Things Can Only Get Bitter

Just left this in reply to John O’Farrell’s piece in the Independent. Not sure they’ll put it in the comments section.

 

So thought I’d post it here. Pretty self-explanatory. Off to campaign in Glyndon Ward so I’ll see if there’s any response later

 

I usually don’t bother leaving comments to articles. It’s a bit like leaving graffiti in a toilet cubicle – you’re glad you’ve left your mark but ultimately it’s a bit cheap and pointless.

But I’m going to put my prejudice aside as I can’t seem to find an email or twitter feed to contact you John.

Interesting article – though I find you undermine your statement that you “don’t understand why we hold our politicians in such low regard” with the follow up sentence “In all my years working on Spitting Image or Have I Got News for You, we always did our utmost to point up their best side.”

Is that why, according to your wikipedia entry, your greatest achievement on Spitting Image was to make John Major “completely grey.” Or what about HIGNFY’s jape to empty seat Roy Hattersley with a tub of lard? And you wonder why MPs are held in such low regard. Hello Pot!

But that aside and the fact you’re promoting a new book (we’ve all gotta pay them bills and appearing on “Balderdash and Piffle” is hardly a reliable revenue stream) your pay off is just, well, a bit cheap. In fact, it looks like Things Can Only Get Bitter!

“If history has taught us anything, it is the truth of the old adage “You pay peanuts, you get John Prescott.”

You are Richard Littlejohn and I claim my five pounds of flesh!

Bit too working class for you? Don’t like the grammar mangling? Not really West Wing material?

Maybe. But not many monkeys get to negotiate global climate change treaties.

Neither do they step into save the Channel Tunnel high speed rail link from going bust.

Nor do they tirelessly campaign for social justice for more than 50 years.

However I’m sure if given an infinite amount of time and an infinite amount of typewriters they would write a better column than this. (I’ve got a spread bet on half an hour. Go Monkey!)

Yes, JP’s not perfect but then who is John?

However he’s achieved more in his 40 years in the House then many politicians ever will. And he’s still campaigning for a fairer deal at Copenhagen for developing countries and a fourth Labour term. The bugger just doesn’t know when to quit!

But hey, why let that get in the way of a good pay-off? So I won’t.

I know the Indie has been a bit cash-strapped of late and failed to attract the big names but your article confirms that there’s truth in that old adage:

“You pay peanuts, you get John O’Farrell.”

Now I’m off to wash my hands.

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